Only Christians can take a holiday on December 25.

Australians have reacted with horror to a new law banning non-Christians from enjoying a holiday on Christmas Day. The shock new law was announced on the eve of the summer break and requires non-Christians to attend work on December 25.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison, himself a devout Christian, rushed through the new law on the final day of parliament this year and chose to announce the decision just days before Christmas holidays.

“Christmas is for Christ,” stated Morrison from outside the Horizon Church in Sutherland, south of Sydney. “So only Australians who identify as Christian, and can prove their devotion, can take a day off work on December 25. Everyone else must work, and don’t dare ask for overtime or penalty rates.”

According to the prime minister, Australians wishing to take a day off on December 25 will have to supply their employer, and/or the government, with a letter from their church priest or minister, signed by a Justice of the Peace. To reinforce his message, the prime minster resorted to a slogan, reminding everyone:

‘Jesus is the reason for the season’

The law prohibits time off for Muslims, Jews, Buddhists atheists, agnostics and anyone else who cannot prove that they belong to a Christian denomination which officially recognises Christmas. Critics slammed the decision as a failure to acknowledge the religious, cultural and racial diversity of the nation, and as a rude shock to citizens who have endured bush fires, floods, drought, COVID-19, and more floods, in 2020.

Morrison responded to the criticism with a smirk.

The new law also prompted changes to other annual celebrations in Australia. The Christmas law will apply to Easter, and public holidays in 2021 will be affected in the following ways:

Australia Day – Only people officially recognised as Indigenous can party on January 26.

Anzac Day – A holiday will be granted only to soldiers who served in a war, or registered members of the Australian defence force.

Labour Day – The day of the workers will grant time off to employees, socialists and active members of unions. Employers and business owners will be required to work. It is not clear what conditions apply to the unemployed or the self-employed.

Queen’s Birthday – A long weekend will be granted only to staunch royalists, including people who buy trashy magazines full of royal gossip. Republicans such as Peter FitzSimons and Malcolm Turnbull will not get the day off, nor will anyone who voted for an Australian republic way back in 1999.

Bank Holiday – This will still be a day off for most Australians, except for drug dealers, devotees of cryptocurrency and those stashing their cash in a shoebox under the bed, as well as tradies promising a discount for payment in cash.

One national public holiday to remain unchanged is Boxing Day, because no one can explain why it’s called Boxing Day. Australians can now look forward to resting a hangover and flicking between the cricket and the Sydney to Hobart yacht race

New Year’s Day has also been saved, so at least Australians can also look forward to escaping 2020.