God sues Scott Morrison for defamation.

Almighty God has successfully sued Scott Morrison for $549,250 after proving that the Prime Minister of Australia has defamed the image of the lord our saviour. God proved beyond reasonable doubt that the words and actions of the devout Christian had brought the lord’s name into disrepute, during a hearing at the Court of Holy Omnipotence.

Morrison publicly celebrates his religion and is a proud member of Horizon Church in Sutherland, south of Sydney, but his actions as a junior government minister, and now as prime minister, have been decidedly un-Christian. During the lengthy court case, God drew particular attention to the following incidents as evidence of defamation:

Biloela Family – The family of Priya, Nades, Kopika and Tharunicaa Murugappan have been detained on Christmas Island since March 2018 after seeking asylum in Australia. They were forcibly removed from their home in Biloela, Queensland, where the two daughters were born. God raised Morrison’s refusal to intervene in the case on moral grounds as proof of un-Christian behaviour.

Two Masters – The Bible advises Christians to avoid serving two masters, but God easily demonstrated that Morrison’s serves both Rupert and Gina.

God’s Creation – The court found that Morrison’s support of the fossil fuel industry and his failure to protect the natural environment is destroying the planet that God created, and God was not pleased.

Our Father – Morrison and his PR team have carefully cultivated an image of Morrison as the ‘Daggy Dad’ and the lovable father of the nation – but God reminded the PM that only he is everyone’s father.

Blessed are the poor – The Bible also teaches Christians to help those less fortunate, including the poor. However, the court heard details of Morrison’s complicity in the Robodebt scheme, the disparity in school funding, the refusal to increase Newstart, and countless government policies which enrich big business.

Resting – God created the world in six days, and only rested on the seventh, once the job was complete – whereas Morrison has been resting every day since becoming prime minister.

Respect your elders – Countless Bible stories teach Christians to respect the elderly, but God highlighted Morrison’s central role in defunding Aged Care facilities, which left residents increasingly vulnerable to mistreatment, and to COVID-19.

Thoughts and Prayers – On a personal note, God chastised Morrison for responding to every crisis with nothing more than thoughts and prayers.

Morrison responded to the guilty verdict with a smirk.

Image: http://www.gettyimages.com.au

Embrace Dog this festive season.

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Australians are being urged to remember and honour Dog during the upcoming festive season and to seek further opportunities to allow Dog to become the focal point of their end of year celebrations.

Aussies are being reminded that the true message of Dog is found not only within the four walls of the institutions which brought them into contact with Dog, but that the love of Dog can be found in their homes and parks and beaches and cafes – everywhere.

Take comfort, they are advised, in the knowledge that Dog is one constant in an ever-changing world. Even during times when new ways of thinking and social upheaval threaten to destroy our belief in Dog, Dog will always be there.

Australians should also ensure they turn their attention to Dog even during the hectic, busy and stressful period that marks the lead up to Christmas. In an effort to help the good people of Australia to do so, below is a list of practical recommendations which are framed in joy and positive affirmations.

  • Dog is everywhere
  • Dog loves you
  • Let Dog into your life
  • Make the time in your crowded schedule to communicate with Dog
  • Enjoy the opportunity to show your love for Dog on a daily basis, not just during certain ceremonies in April and December
  • Proudly and triumphantly proclaim your devotion to Dog, to everyone, everywhere, even where Dog is not welcome. Ignore signs and signals which attempt to exclude the presence of Dog
  • Defend Dog in your words and deeds, against those who choose to slander Dog, because Dog is righteous
  • Include Dog in your holiday. Take Dog with you in the car, on the plane, in the hotel, at the campground…
  • Lavish gifts upon Dog this year, just as you lavish gifts upon family and friends
  • Love your Dog as the one true Dog, while acknowledging the right of other people to love other Dogs
  • Dog is the reason for the season
  • Practice humility when communicating with Dog and accept that Dog is wiser than you. Subjugate yourself to the will of Dog
  • Teach your children to love Dog, because the love of Dog must start in the home.
  • Include Dog in Carols by Candlelight, summer barbecues, Kris Kringle and Christmas parties – you can even find a way to involve Dog in one seminal act of Christmas, the traditional photo with Santa.

Finally, remember that Dog is for life, not just for Christmas.