The Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison, has surprised a family of four with a Christmas present of $30m. Morrison offered the gift to the Murugappan family as well as granting them asylum in Australia after holding them in immigration detention for more than 1000 days. The Christmas blessing will see Priya, Nades, Kopika and Tharunicaa return to Biloela immediately with Australian residency.
Morrison claims he made the decision to exercise his executive powers after communicating with God during a religious experience at the Horizon Church in the Sutherland Shire.
“It was during the second rousing rock song that God spoke to me,” explained Morrison, before recounting the divine conversation.
“Hey, what about freeing that family on Christmas Island?”
“Oooh, I don’t know about that mate, it’s a big call. A lot of Aussie racists won’t be happy, and don’t forget who voted me in at the last election.”
“Yeah, but it’s Christmas, and remember all of those teachings that my son imparted to Christians like you, about morality, compassion, forgiveness and helping the less fortunate…”
“Yeah, what about them?”
“Well, what about you put them into practice?”
“Apply the teachings in a practical way and free the family, let them go back to Biloela.”
“Ummm, sorry mate, I’m still trying to get my head around what you just said – applying the teachings of the church in a practical way…that’s news to me”
“Yes, but that was the original intention of the teachings”
“Hang on, I love this part of the song…(Morrison sings a few lines). How good…yeah, go on”
“Well, I recommend you free the family and let them go back to Bilo”
“Back to Bilo – I don’t like the policy, but I do love the slogan – great ring to it. Back to Bilo, Back to Bilo…”
“And all that money, you could give to the family, to help them set up a new life.”
“The $30m, but that’s a lot of money, plus I was gonna give that to Foxtel.”
“Well, Rupert will have to wait – let me have a word to him. Anyway, I strongly recommend you apply the underlying principles of your Christian faith and free the family in detention, and do it in time for Christmas”
“Yeah, righto mate – but only for you”
“You’re a great bloke Scotty”
Morrison then explained that after deliberation with colleagues such as Peter Dutton, and after discussing it with Jen and the girls, he made the decision to free the family and reward them with a substantial yuletide gift.
“It’s great PR too, isn’t it,” said the man dubbed Scotty from Marketing, “you know, Christmas Island and a Christmas present, I thought of that myself, how good is that!”
Image: Chad Madden