Australia kills the Winter Olympic Games.

The Winter Olympic Games will cease after 2022 as Australia’s rising carbon emissions rid the world of snow.

Australia has the world’s largest per-capita carbon emissions and is contributing massively to the climate crisis which is melting the snow and ice on which winter sports take place.

Australia’s carbon emissions come primarily from the fossil fuel industry and agriculture, and from the current Liberal National Party (LNP) which is a strong supporter of the fossil fuel industry and traditional agricultural methods.

The nation’s leaders showed little regard for the consequences of their policies, however.

“Why should Australia care about the Winter Olympics, we contribute to such a small percentage of the overall medal tally that it doesn’t matter to us if the games go ahead,” stated a spokesperson for the government of Australia.

“We’ve only ever won five gold medals, and one of those because all of the other skaters fell over.”

The current prime minister, Scott Morrison, famously took a lump of coal into parliament question time in support of coal mining, and Morrison won the 2019 federal election in which the climate crisis was a central issue. More than 50% of the voting public re-elected the party which supports the fossil fuel industry.

Australia’s overall carbon emissions have actually risen in recent years, and extreme weather events such as drought and bush fires are becoming worse. Furthermore, the government recently established the National COVID-19 Commission Advisory Board to chart Australia’s economic recovery from the pandemic, and instead of appointing members from a cross-section of the community, filled it largely with representatives from the fossil fuel industry who are campaigning to have taxpayers fund more projects in the coal and gas sector.

In recent years, the LNP has responded to criticism of its carbon footprint by arguing that Australia contributes so little to the total world emissions that taking action to reduce emissions is pointless.

The NSW state government, also LNP, recently approved the opening of new coal mines under Sydney’s water catchment, hoping to not only destroy the Winter Olympics, but to also destroy the water which Sydneysiders drink.

Winter sports athletes and those who work in the sector have been denied the right to speak about the issue, but the government assured them their futures are secure despite killing off their livelihood.

“They can always get a job down a mine.”

Image: Alex Lange

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