Mike Baird has consented to appoint himself Supreme and Glorious Leader of The Greater Democratic Territory of North Victoria during a magnificent ceremony at Sydney’s Moore Park.
The Supreme and Glorious Leader opened the ceremony with a declaration that a new era of peace and prosperity awaits all of his loyal and privileged subjects upon the cessation of the ‘State of New South Wales’ and, with it, the term ‘Premier of New South Wales’.
“I have always been known as Supreme and Glorious Leader, I am known as Supreme and Glorious Leader and I will always be known as Supreme and Glorious Leader”, declared the Supreme and Glorious Leader, after one subversive journalist referred to him as Premier and was kindly and gently assisted from the venue.
“But I graciously permit you all to use my nickname…Sir Hegemony” he laughed, and everyone laughed with him.
Our beloved leader delivered his decree outside the facility which was formerly known as the Sydney Football Stadium, or Allianz Stadium, but will forever more be known as Draconia Stadium.
The Supreme and Glorious Leader kindly stopped for official photographs with approved media outlets as he arrived at Draconia Stadium, hoisted upon the shoulders of previously misguided citizens who had recently and ignorantly threatened the safety of delicate machinery belonging to a precious mining company.
Dressed resplendently in a grey mandarin suit and sporting a handsome new flat top hair style, the Supreme and Glorious Leader consented to address the eager crowd, who had been invited to make a donation of only $250 for the privilege of attending the event.
The Greater Democratic Territory of North Victoria has now come into being…” declared the Supreme and Glorious Leader “…and henceforth, no one shall utter the term New South Wales.”
During his enlightening and eloquent five hour speech, The Supreme and Glorious Leader outlined many of the future benefits for citizens of ‘North Victoria’, including details of his ‘cunning plan’, which he developed after a recent Asian tour of The Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea, China and Turkmenistan.
“Middle Australia hates dreadlocked, pot smoking, dole bludging hippies who chain themselves to mining equipment and impede progress. Therefore, middle Australia will not object to these disruptive elements being punished for protesting in the name of something called democracy. This allows us to establish a precedent by which we can start to outlaw many other forms of protest and erode the individual rights of citizens throughout the state without anyone realising.”
This statement was met with spontaneous and simultaneous applause.
One feature of the old stadium is to be retained, however. The enormously large screen will televise speeches and announcements from the Supreme and Glorious Leader. It will also be used for Educational seminars, during which every school student in ‘North Victoria’ will be taught the history of the territory, including the Law Enforcement Act. This Act is described as a quaint document from yesteryear which limited the power police could exercise over protestors in the territory formerly referred to as NSW.
The Supreme and Glorious Leader graciously permitted use of Draconia Stadium for various sporting fixtures and minor celebrations such as Australia Day and Anzac Day.
The lavish ceremony also saw The NSW Bar Association conveniently re-adjusted to the NSW Baird Association, a process which the Supreme and Glorious Leader described as long overdue and a mere question of semantics.
The Supreme and Glorious Leader concluded the ceremony at 9pm, to allow all of the citizens present to arrive home before the 10pm curfew which ensures our safety, wellbeing and prosperity.
The Supreme and Glorious Leader then consented to leave the ceremony before making his way to Star City Casino.