Bilingual signage, passionate dialogue and philosophy forums will soon be de rigueur as Le Ville Bronte becomes Australia’s first officially bilingual suburb.
Local residents claimed victoire for their cause celebre when Waverley Mayor Sally Betts announced the change to the suburb formerly known as Bronte, during a champagne breakfast at La Maison Bronte.
“Voila” she exclaimed, as the tricolor slid sensuously from her grasp to expose a plaque magnifique at the entrance to Bronte House.
“This plaque marks the beginning of an epoque neuv for the people who have the bonne chance to reside in this corner of le Monde” she gushed.
Ecstatic residents’ action group leader Nathalie Clarey (pronounced Cla- hray) spoke of the significance of the announcement and some implications of the change.
“Just like the famous Bronte sisters, we are enormously proud of our French heritage” she said.
“As a result of this announcement, French will be taught in les ecoles locales and will grace les menus of all local cafes and restaurants. Sports teachers will also introduce parkour to the school curriculum, while anyone wishing to play backyard cricket must remain steadfast in one position with both legs stuck together.
Furthermore, La Maison Bronte will host philosophy forums and agents provocateurs will pose questions such as;
‘If the perfect wave goes unsurfed, is it really perfect?’
“This exciting new development will also prohibit the use of certain long standing vulgarities”, explained Clarey
“No longer will one be permitted to pronounce the name of this suburb as ‘Bronnie’ and, consequently, nor will we be subjected to various residents proudly declaring their intention to ‘…go for an early at Bronnie’”
Photo: Xavier Nohet
Published in The Beast, April 2016.